I am discovering that I go into panic every time somebody I care about does something nice for me.   I’m like a broken record playing an old tune.  I’m constant vigilant, looking for the tiniest thing that I might upset the balance of people around me.

This vigilance, born out of survival, is probably why I’m so good at creating beautiful things.  I am constantly looking at minutiae, judging, balancing, and absorbing the tiniest details, looking for the thing that will destroy me in everything around me, moment to moment, in millionth of a second increments.

I can walk into a museum, an art gallery, a design store, and I absorb what is interesting or special (or not) about each piece.  I do it instantly.  It’s like having a photographic memory for what makes something good, that magic piece that is the essence of a thing that makes is beautiful, magical, or a complete waste of time.

This makes me good at what I do.  It’s a total pain in the ass socially.