The effect that we have on one another is filtered through our perception system — through our eyes, ears, minds, histories, tendencies, etc.  There’s nothing wrong with this, but it is just as it is.

Bernadette Roberts says (and I believe) that we cannot experience reality as it is as long as we have a “self”, which is to say as long as we have something in ourselves that we identify as ourself.  As long as there is an “us” than there must be an “other” — and then we are not seeing things as they are.  So, if we say we are one with God, we are not really experiencing being one with God — we are only one with our perception of God, and how we experience the divine is filtered through our systems.

If we truly realize this, it means that we understand that the “guide” that governs us is just our very selfish Ego — selfish even though it may mean well, even though we wish very deeply to be generous, kind, gentle with one another.  Because we cannot see clearly we may do harm when we mean to do kindness, and vice versa.

And then we naturally start to wonder, what would it be like to be guided by something else?   To have an internal guide that wasn’t all about “me” — to have nothing there at all.

Last night I was up late reading reading and it suddenly hit me that I could choose to walk into the kitchen, and make myself a cup of black tea, and that I could try to attempt that whole process while letting go of my “ego” as the guide of my actions.  I wouldn’t be guiding myself for myself.  Sounds pretty simple, it was just a cup of tea.

Observing myself, however, I got about halfway to the kitchen and anxiety had already shown up about the temperature of the water, if there was enough tea, if I was going to wake my wife by clanking around too much, etc.   These anxieties were about me, they weren’t about the other people involved.   All tiny anxieties that came and went in a flash, so quickly that one usually doesn’t notice them unless there is a very conscious decision to pay attention.

I sat back down on the couch, waited a minute, and tried again.

The experience on the second try was very clear and crisp — there was the feeling of the tea cup in my hand, the color of the kettle under the lights.  And “I” wasn’t there, there was no fear, no anxiety, no worries.  This doesn’t mean I didn’t realize it was important to be quiet and not wake my family.  At the same time, it wasn’t about me.

Anxiety, worry had disappeared completely because there was nobody there to do the worrying.

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